How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
