So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
should my penis look like a turkey
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just high enough for therapy.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
