I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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