Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
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I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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