already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just high enough for therapy.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
