The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
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he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
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when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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