So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Ketchup is God's man juice
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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