we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My vagina just clenched in fear
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
