Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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