dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
