This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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