Someone shit on the floor
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
