Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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