thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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