He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
