You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize