the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
