Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
