O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
