shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
from now on my penis is your penis
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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