just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
