Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
