My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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