Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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