Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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