I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
