I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
