she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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