i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
