I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
