I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
