You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
