drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
