If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
