Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
