My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
