I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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