Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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