I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
