hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
