We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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