Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
tell your sister to shave her snatch
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing