We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
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I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.