so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.