You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash