arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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