she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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