i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
