I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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