I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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