there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
