Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
