Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
