can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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