Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
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Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
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I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.