My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.