what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.