I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
