Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
