I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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