a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
there is puke in my bra ... again
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
