hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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