I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
