apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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