Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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