U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
