i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
