maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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