this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
